How the Basic Mind works: One Person Responds to Tony Goldwyn’s Cosmo Interview
[NB: Do not read if lacking in basic sense of humor. Also, only parts of the interview have been included for analysis.]
Intro: The “Basic Bitch” is defined as a person (see some in Scandal fandom) who is not able to read between the lines; lacks basic intuitiveness, or the ability to see what is very obvious. Basic Bitchedness—a growing affliction—can strike while engaging in any activity, but is especially prevalent while watching the multi-layered TV show, Scandal, cast interviews, engaging in Tumblr and Twitter conversations, etc, etc. etc. Let’s peak in on the inner monlogue of one such Basic Bitch while she’s reading the latest Tony Goldwyn interview in Cosmo. Shhhh, they startle easily.
One of our readers on Twitter wants to know: “When will you get off the hooch and go claim the love of your life Olivia back? People are waiting.”
I can tell you that it is Fitz’s fondest dream to figure out a way. Beyond all of his rage and anger, that’s what hes trying to find his way toward.
[BB Thoughts: You don’t deserve Olivia, Fitz! Arrrrgh, I hate you, you drunk bastard! You don’t love Olivia at all. Why would you dump her twice! You’re just a boy :( ]
And yet Fitz is holding this grudge over Defiance, even though he’s cheated on his wife, murdered a Supreme Court justice, and is now betraying Liv by having Noel, excuse us, Scott Foley, spy on her.
Look, I certainly can’t make a great moral argument for Fitz’s position. But here’s what I can tell you: Olivia’s belief in Fitz was everything. He really put Olivia on a pedestal and the reality that Olivia betrayed him with Defiance forced him, in a sense, to murder Verna. He blames Olivia’s betrayal for the fact that he did something that was worse than any of them. He never would have wanted to end up committing murder. He’s overreacting to Liv’s betrayal because of how much he loves her and how much he relied on her perfection.
[BB Thoughts: That’s right, Olivia’s a beautiful, perfect angel who deserves someone who actually cares about her. Thank God that Jake is now on the scene. Jake is a gentleman. I mean, did you see that scene where he turned off the just-doing-my-job monitors when she was about to get undressed? Swoon! And how he totally killed a paparazzo so that photos of her wouldn’t get out? He totes respects her privacy. He just needs a minute so fans can get to know him a little better. Jalivia is gonna be sooooo good! Just you wait, Fitz! You’ll be sad and begging for her and she won’t pay you any attention. Go to your wife and three kids, you murderer!!!!!]
What’s the most absurd thing someone has tweeted at you?
I can’t even repeat it for you to put it in print. I’ve gotten a few outrageously pornographic tweets. It’s just, like, living in an alternate universe. I’ve been doing this a while, so I don’t take any of it too seriously, but those make me laugh.
[BB Thoughts: LOL, I wonder if he got that one tweet I sent last week *blushes*]
One fan wanted to know: “What do you use on that ‘Superman curl’ to make it so luscious?”
It actually happened in the hunting episode because I was chasing Liv and we were having this big argument in the woods and it was really hot and my hair got messy and this curl formed. The people started tweeting about it and I think theres an actual page, or handle, whatever you call it, called Tony Goldwyn’s Curl. [editor’s note: It’s actually called @TonyGoldwynHair.]
[BB Thoughts: OMG, I have curly hair just like Tony. Why won’t he tell us what he uses!!!! I’m gonna tweet him about this to get it out of him. Everyone will love me for that.]
How does your wife feel about you having faux closet sex with Kerry Washington?
Well, she’s in the business too. She’s a production designer and she’s amazingly sort of blasé about it. She doesn’t really watch the show, but then she’ll catch up and she thinks it’s great. She makes sure that my feet are firmly planted on the earth.
[BB Thoughts: It’s so great that he has a confident and secure relationship with his wife. I mean, they’ve been together for 26 years. I sure she can’t possibly be super interested in ALL of his projects. I mean, it’s only natural. He’s hot and everything, but she probably doesn’t watch those super hot sex scenes because she’s totes secure in their union. I would totally be that kind of mature wife if my husband was a totally hot actor making out and simulating sexy times with a ridiculously attractive actress. All of that makes sense in my mind. Yup.]
Your chemistry with Kerry Washington is really electric. Was it just instant between you?
Happened instantly. We’d known each other from politics and social advocacy but there’s also just a natural physical thing that you can’t even control. It just exists or it doesn’t. We have a lot of mutual respect for each other as people and as actors. We really trust each other and are really comfortable with each other. I have so much admiration for Kerry. I just love her. So it’s always interesting and exciting to act with her, whether we’re having sex or not!
[BB Thoughts: Awww, Tony and Kerry have such a cute friendship! They work so closely, so obvs he loves her like a little sis, or even, maybe like a BFF. He’s been married for 26 years, so he couldn’t possibly be attracted to a ridiculously hot and freakishly perfect woman. Tane all the way! I still ship Tony and Kerry as friends, though. That’s ok, right?]
Do you have a fantasy ending for Liv and Fitz?
I absolutely do and I think it would end the show immediately. I have a fantasy of Olivia and Fitz throwing caution to the wind and genuinely communicating enough to come together and get married and have a family and share a life together because I think they’d have an amazing life together and be incredible partners. But I’m afraid there wouldn’t be a TV show if that happened.
[BB Thoughts: Are we watching the same show?! You’re married with three children and you’re the president!!! On what planet can you have an ‘amazing life together and be incredible partners’?!! It’ll be too late, anyways, because Jake is gonna be all over that. He’s a Navy man, too, Fitz. I think he could take you in this triangle. Jalivia all the way, hay! OMG, that kind a rhymes. I’m gonna tweet that now.]
My only reaction:
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